dear, no one.

Oh oh, I got one conclusion.
Am still trapped on the same place, no matter how hard I try to let myself out. No matter how loud I cry for this. I'm still have nothing to hold on.
Your smile, it sinks me to the deep dark sea.
Dear no one.

Psychiatric, Matswapati, Dahlan.

Halooooooooo!
Sedang dinas Keperawatan Jiwa di kota Bunga, Magelang.
So haaaaaapppyyy being here. Really out of my expectation about the patient. I swear to you, they are all really really really funny and know how to joke, how to make someone laugh. And their act, oh pleaseeeee, really innocent and like a child. That's what I saw in Wisma Matswapati.
What I saw on UPI? THAT WAS THE REAL PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL hahaha

I have met so many friends here.
The nurse, from Sulawesi Tengah, Medan, NTT, Ambon, omg... They are really awesome and friendly!
And the patient too...
They're really friendly. Pak Jarwo, Aziz, Slamet, Yusaeni, Lukman, Mandon, Sujiman. Aaaaaah they're the best ever!

And also, the boy I know from Restu. He's 20th years old. His name is Dahlan Rizkiono.
I've tried to search him on social media, and the result is.... BIG ZERO.
Thanks to Restu, she was really good had have tell me about him. With a media called.. sketch book.
Weird? Yes way at first.

Before Restu tell me about him, I dunno why, I want to bought a sketch book. Bcs this is a sketch book. And It's price is only for 15k. Yep, that's why I bought that.
Next day, Restu told me that Dahlan is a smart boy alive who can draw so so soooooooooo good. He used his hand at It's best. I know right? He's freaking awesome.
Day by day, I'm really curious to know him more and more. So I decided to let Restu took my sketch book and give it to him. Yes, he want that. I know he need that. He need a media for him to do something. How cool. For me.
With that kind of skill, he also have a really handsome face. He told me that his friends called him like an actor name's Teuku Wisnu from Indonesia. Lol. Hell yes, he's so funny! Even funnier when he act like a brother(for me), so protected. Lovely.
Now, the sketch book is so full of his hand-writing. I love to read all of his story. Sad. Sometimes funny. Sometimes flat.
And now, he's already home. His parents came here to take him out of this place. This psychiatric hospital. Sounds scary, right. But it's not like what's on your mind, I swear. I love being here :)
We keep on contact always, he always text me, and also call me through the phone. Even sometimes all he want to know is only what's up with Restu now. Ehehe. I'm kind of jealous with Restu, but it's okay. At least, Restu already ignore him. Lol
What kind of feeling is this, huh?

Oh well, did I write too much?
I'll upload the photo of his draws later on bcs now I don't have any internet connection except this phone. Huft.
You'll impress, I know.

pain. that's how I feel. sad? yes way.

What have I done, God?
Was it something wrong, God?
I ain't ready with this kind of condition.
I'm not say that I'm desperate. But it makes me feeling sooooooo uncomfortable, You know huuuu
Yes, You know that, God.
So pleasee, just take all this pain away. Away from my body, away from me T_T
(Rd. Badan gatel gatel semua, tiap hari udah mandi air hangat pake sabun bayi, eh masih aja gatel, bentol bentol merah sampe luka, terjadi udah sebulan lebih, haven't visit the doctor yet, huft)

INI GUA CURHAT SAMA SIAPA SIH?!
OH, NO ONE. WELL!
See ya, guys!

Anak futsal tuh gitu ya..
Keseringan mainin bola sih, hati cewe dikira bola juga sama dianya. Dimainin mulu.
Eeeeeeeeeh~

He's really out of my life.

this pain is already ended.

Entah, seharusnya gue harus update ini atau nggak. Yaudahlah, biar jelas aja ya..
Gue sama panji (akhirnya) putus.
Selama pacaran kurang lebih 162 hari atau 5 bulan 12 hari.. Termasuk didiamkan selama 8 hari sebelum putus.. Yah, that's the result.
Entahlah, males nyeritain gimana putus. Males itu ya karena dia bikinnya complicated. Mutar-balikin omongan. Nyalahin cuma ke satu pihak. Ah tai lah pokoknya.
Udah ya, males ngomong beginian.
Semoga panji bahagia, dan gue jauh lebih bahagia. Amin.
Thank God, for telling me that he's the worse for me, even I'm the best for him. Lol. Just kidding. No offense.
7 November 2013-19 April 2014.
What an unbelievable! That's a record, you know.

Long Distance Ribetship

Panji and I getting boring. We both feels it. Or is it only my feeling? Hmm..
Long Distance isn't only a distance now. It's contained distance, our feeling, and time.
Our feeling? Lost contact for 5 days. are you kidding me? You sure we both are still in a relationship? omg..
Time? You wake up every evening.. You active every midnight. I'm a morning person. I sleep at night. What a different life, right?
So why don't you try to end it up because you're the one who's started it up? I'm okay:)

So new

World, meet my new Notebook! :))

Ini bukan holiday nih, jelas bukan....
Benci kesini, ga mau lagi kalo tanpa ayuk. Benciiiiiiiiiiiiii...

Hell-o, Bangka!

Hello there! I'm on ma holiday now. Not really a holiday, but.. yeah, just pretend that this is my holiday ok?

So, that's it! hehehe :3
See ya!

The Script talk about..

http://m.youtube.com/watch?rl=yes&v=YGcwtGjy_DE&client=mv-google&gl=ID&hl=en&guid=
What a concert!

what's the problem then?

Tomorrow is my birthday and Panji is still doubt if I really love him or no. Gosh..
How could this happen to me?
How could he doubt me just because I believe he won't cheat on me? It doesn't mean I'm not afraid to lose you ok. How could you think like that? Eeerrwwwhhh!

I hate this kind of feeling, like seriously

All of my wish-list.. I have to dump it all away. Forget it all away. Leave it all alone.
Minggu gue berangkat ke Bangka. Wish nomor satu gue yg isinya: "wish-list urutan kedua sampe terakhir bakal gue dapetin tepat di tanggal 2 maret", it all just a wish, only hope. Yep, no more.
Aaaaaaaa how poor I am :(
But look what's better than that? Daddy ask me to have a holiday in Bangka. We're gonna start in on Sunday. On ma birthday. Should I feel happy or sad? This is so confusing me :(
We'll gonna see what will happen in 2nd of March, 2014. Will it be happier or worst. Who knows?

Then why do I looks like this excited on my 19th birthday?! Hell this feeling. Hell.

Can't believe it's 4 days more before.. you know.. 19th my age :p

ah gatau apa judulnya..

H min 8.
Wish-list gua udah sampe urutan ke berapa nih? Gua ga tau. Udah banyak bener -__-"
Padahal kalo dipikir-pikir, siapa yg mau ngasih? Gua baik sama orang aja jarang. Dan semua yg ada di wish-list yg gua punya.. Semuanya subhanallah, bener dah. Kinda impossible. But who knows, right?
Ga tau ini khayalan gua yg terlalu tinggi atau apaaa, gua ga ngerti juga -_- yaah, whatever it will be..

Big dream and small dream, both have the same price, right? So don't be afraid to dream. But remember, nightmare also a dream too ;))
Panji lagi manggung, gua streaming-an dulu yaw. See ya!

this fucking morning...

I hate this morning. My blackberry service is already unavailable. But I'm still can browsing and sosial-media-ing. I open up some tab on my browsing app. It used too well, so I found something I shouldn't know. I know it just a memory for them, maybe. But Idk why, I hate to find that. I wish I didn't know who the hell is that girl, and really.. I wish I didn't this silly while stalking aaaaaaaaaa!
I mean, why should the same? Ok, we're not the same. But, she listens on the songs I listen to. Just that. But I hate it. I am jealousy. I shouldn't act this stupid. But whatever, I hate that girl and I hate him.
I ever said that I have to update my playlist as soon as Sonic, and yep, my phone's memory going worst, and it broke. Thank God, I have to makeover my playlist then.
But look what the worsest thing happen now.. She likes the song I used to love so muuuuuuuucccccchhhhhhhhhhh. They sing it together like a piece of shit. Aaaaaaa!
I need some new song nawww!

2014 is coming..

Bloggy!!!
It's already 2014 tho!
I can't believe this until I re-read my old posting about 2013.
read this if you cant believe it too.. this
see?
I really let my hair grow out without cut it even just a little. (success)
and the second things.. I have a boyfriend on 2013. yeeey! (success)
And if you think on that day I was just joking, then hell yes! my joke was success. everybody laugh! wohoooo~ I'm a great entertain!

so this is my resolution in 2014:
1.
me and my friends have a plan to go to Padang and back packer-ing. couldn't imagine how great it will be! yay, wish it become true. Amin.
2.
Hehehe I always love maroon hair :$ (this one is impossible actually)

Well, welcome 2014! I wish all of the things I wanna do could be trueeee :3

Happy Nu Yeaaaaah! \^^/